Dialectical Dialogues Archives (1-30 [minus 9-18])

Dialectical Dialogues I-XXX (more or less...lost 9-18 along the way)

I

Jill: Who the fuck do you think you are?

Jack: You remember those stories your mom used to tell you, like Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs?

Jill: Yeah, so...

Jack: I'm the Wolf.

II
Jesus: So you're telling me that everything that one says has already been scripted in their mind?

Buddha: Right.

Jesus: So ever word that's coming out of my mouth has resounded somewhere in my subconscious.

Buddha: Actually in the Universal Subconscious.

Jesus: That's bullshit.

III.
Achilles: Count Dooku is not Sith!

Hector: He is. He is the apprentice to the Sith Lord. Plus he has the red lightsaber.

Achilles: How is an old man an apprentice? Dooku is just a Dark Jedi.

Hector: Then why does he constantly addressing Darth Sidious as, and I quote, "My Master" ?

Achilles: Whatever...

IV.
Roger: So what do you want to do tonight?

Jessica: Whatever you want.

Roger: How about bowling?

Jessica: Nah.

Roger: How about drinks at Finnegann's?

Jessica: Not in the mood. Let's just stay home.

V.
Cloud: What do you get when you mix River Phoenix and Yoda?

Sephiroth: What?

Cloud: My Own Private Dagobah...

Sephiroth: ...

VI.
Stephen: What matters to me is the base level of sounds at their purest. What makes a dog a dog, a tree a tree, etc...

Leopold: But what really matters is the relationship between the words; the friction that these words create. Who cares about the source code of language? I only care about how we can use words to capture reality.

Stephen: The thing is that our words ARE our reality.

Leopold: So it wouldn't be real if I punched you in the face?

Stephen: It only matters because we can conceptualize the distance between your word HAND and my word FACE.

VII.
Antinous: I'm sorry. We tired our best to save him.

Penelope: Did he suffer?

Antinous: No, it was an instantaneous death.

Penelope: . . .

Antinous: I can prescribe something for you, something to help with the pain.

Penelope: No, I want the pain to burn away what is left of my soul.

VIII.
Romeo: The doctors tell me that I have a few months left.

Juliet: I heard. So what are you going to do?

Romeo: I'm setting everything in order. I just wanted to see you one last time.

Juliet: What do you think will happen after you pass?

Romeo: I hope there's nothing in death.

Juliet: Why?

Romeo: Because at least in that nothingness, I won't be able to think of you.

XIX.

Cicero:  Yeah, but I actually tried a murder case.

Snoop Dogg:  Whatever, I was actually tried for murder.

XX.

Clytemnestra:  You should do something horrible to him, like really embarrass him in front of friends and family or give him a pair of horns to match his ego.  Men hate that.

Sigyn:  No, as Atlas bears the earth on his back and as Christ withstands the weight of our sins on his shoulders, I will quietly endure the loss of my love in my heart forever.

Clytemnestra:  I still say revenge is a better path. Let me know if you ever want to make him really suffer.  I know three ladies with a real mean streak.

XXI.

Plato:  Just because the waitress is crazy doesn't give you the right to laugh at her right to her face!

Socrates:  Dude, I was completely cool until your wife started to cover her face in order to hide her own laughter.

Plato:  That's not the point.  The point is that you're the one that broke out in hysterical laughter while the poor girl was in the middle of her story. 

Socrates:  Que Horror!

Plato:  You know you're going to hell, right?

XXII.

Plotinus:  Life is like that last dance with your first love.  You know that you'll never see her again after tonight, so you'll hold on to her until that last note because you know that after tonight, you'll never see her again.

Turing:  Life for me has always been a changing cryptograph.  Everytime I get close to cracking it, by some miracle of nature or divine providence, it changes itself.  You can make a million machines and systems to decode, but they all will fail.

XXIII.

Kastor:  When I was living in North Carolina, I started to feel this numbness, this apathy spreading throughout me.

Polydeuces:  You're exaggerating.  Moderate detachment is not the same thing as full-blown apathy.

Kastor:  I think that I returned home because I wanted to feel.  Maybe by returning to the source, something inside me would stir up again.

Polydeuces:  I thought you came home because you missed us?

Kastor:  I did.

Polydeuces:  That doesn't sound like apathy, does it?

XXIV.

Super Frog:  So I came up with this prank to test my college roommate, Stewart. I call him up at work and tell him that I got into a fight with this guy who was hitting on my girlfriend in the hallway of the 4th floor of our dorm.  During the fight, we somehow managed to get to the stairway, and I tell Stewart that I knocked the guy down the stairs.  

Gojima:  What does Stewart say?

Super Frog:  He begins to ask a bunch of questions:  Are you hurt?  Did anyone see you?  Is the other guy conscious?  I wait for a second, you know,  a dramatic pause, and say, "Dude, I don't even think the other guy is breathing..."

Gojima:  That's good.

Super Frog:  It gets better.  I tell Stew that I going to go check.  With my cordless phone, I head down the stairs.  I make sure to make a lot of noise as I walk so that Stew can hear the echo of the stairwell.  I wait a few seconds when I get to the bottom.  Then I tell Stew that the guy is not breathing and that I can't even find a pulse.

Gojima:  What happens next?

Super Frog:  There is this prolonged silence over the phone.  Stew has to be running various scenarios in his head.  Suddenly, he breaks the silence, and, in an authoritative tone, tells me to get the body and go to the exit of the stairwell; he's getting his car and will be at the dorm in 10 minutes.  At that point we, my suite mates and I, lose it and start laughing hysterically.  But the beautiful thing is that I know that Stew was willing to go through those lengths for me.

Gojima:  That is horrible...funny...but still horrible.

XXV

Plato's Caveman:  I hate this.  I know it's been months, but I can't shake her memory.

Sappho:  Let's try something.  Close your eyes.  Good.  Now imagine her features, from how she looks to the way her hair plays in the wind.  Can you?

Plato's Caveman:  A bit.  I can feel the image slipping, but the problem is that when I just think about her, I'm inundated with waves of emotions, almost as if I were paralyzed by her loss.

Sappho:  Knowing you, my friend, you are, and probably always have been, more in love with the idea of the person than the person herself.  And the truth of the matter is that you will always have that if you really think about it.

XXVI

Warren Beatty:  So, does he make you happy?

Bonnie:  Sure.

Warren Beatty.  But do you love him more than you loved me?

Bonnie:  What I know is that he'll never hurt me the way you did.

XXVII

Morpheus:  It's just that I hate myself a little bit more after each time that I dream about her...despite the fact that I love it when I'm in those dreams; I mean it feels like what bliss should feel like when I'm in those dreams with her.

Macbeth:  Dreams are dreams; they don't have any base in logic, so why do you keep beating yourself up about it?  And don't these dreams only occur once or twice a year?

Morpheus:  About that much.  The thing is that I wish she had looked at me in real life the way she does in my dreams...or maybe she did, and I've just forgotten...      

XXVIII

Antigone:  And in this picture here, this shadow is my father.

Orestes:  You mean to say that the shadow belongs to your father, right?

Antigone:  Of course.

XXIX

Cassandra:  See, you’re doing it again.

Tiresias:  What?

Cassandra:  You’re not paying attention.  I mean, yeah, you are looking at me and hearing me, but you’re not listening to me.

Tiresias:  That’s not true.  I was listening to you.

Cassandra:  So what did I just say?

Tiresias: ...

XXX

Oedipus:  So what do you think?

Sphinx:  It has been my experience that whenever the Gods smile down on us, it always ends in tears.